Filling The Void

Trying to eat healthier these days. For the most part I’m a healthy eater, small portions, lots of vegetables, no soda, mostly water, light snacking, but then late evening comes around and all the good I did throughout the day is destroyed. I have an addiction to sugar or something of this nature and it gets worse with depression. Chocolate is my drug of choice. When I say this people giggle and I play along saying my name and that I’ve been sober/chocolate free for 2 days, but truth be told I think I have a problem. If I weren’t an avid exerciser and healthy eater through the day I would have had serious health issues by now.

For example: I have a strong liking to Nutella, especially the Kroger store crunchy version of Nutella. Earlier this year my liking for this hazelnut spread lead to me eating an entire jar in two days. Have you read the sugar content on the labels of these jars? Scary!!!! Anyways this began to lead to serious issue. My gums began to hurt and bleed even with avid brushing. My skin began to break out more than usual. I became sluggish and the more I ate of the stuff the worse everything got and the worse everything got the ore I wanted of the stuff. It’s when I ate a whole jar in one sitting that I realized I had to stop. What do they put in this stuff? Cocaine?

So, I broke free of the stuff and after just a week began to feel better. Still craving it at times though. I find myself raiding my pantry for anything that comes close to it, but since I avoid buying junk food except for the occasional treat I go into this… witdrawl like mood and the next time I go to the grocery store I end up buying soemthing to satisfy the late night craving. It’s a sick cycle. Oh and birthdays and holidays makes it worse…. if I don’t buy junk food I can always find it at someone else’s house or they will bring some over. Junk food is everywhere. 

I know I can get back on track to healthy eating. I just need to start the day eating healthy. Today I had banana and a glass of milk for breakfast. Lunch? Don’t know yet but I need to have…. oh wait I it isn’t the meals during my day i have to work on. Its the late night…I need to change my late night habits. I think it’s because I’m lonely. During the week…after work, errands, activities with kids, after the kids go to bed, I have no one to interact with anymore. I have the occasional chit chat and conversation with family and friends but on most nights, I’m having trouble dealing with the loneliness. Chocolate and sugar make me feel better at least for a little while. So… my goal find a way not to be lonely anymore….



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